(Do) doakan ku harus pergi (Re) relakan aku di sini
(Mi) misalnya aku kan pulang (Fa) fastikan kau tetap menunggu
(Sol) soal cinta luar biasa (La) lama-lama bisa gila
(Si) siapa yang tahu pasti (Do) doakan aku di sini
YES. Lama lama bisa gila tau ga?
I get confuse at the wrong time for the very wrong reasons.
I can't decide what I really want for myself and ended up giving others that impression towards me.
I can't tell what I need. I wasn't clear at times.
In fact all the time.
I feel crappy, yet at times angry.
Angry with the fact that some of them don't understand it from the start.
Some of them don't get it.
Angry with the fact that I get confused that it leads to heartbreaks, and more confusions.
Angry that I had to sympathize others and let go of what I really want.
Angry that the right thing that I just felt I needed, decided to be gone in split seconds.
So where does that leave me?
To more confusions? Is that it?
Leaving me with this guilty heart and carry it along everywhere I go.
That's exactly how I feel right now. GUILT.
Do you know? Anyone else knows?
And where does that leave them then?
They do what, trying to move on and think that everything will be perfectly fine,
just because we did went through the same thing before?
I may be ugly outside. I am not those pretty looking high class girls.
But it's not their choice or whoever is reading this to judge who I am inside.
I am not here to brag about how things should be. I know I am not in the position to do that.
But who cares about one fucking blogpost.
I mean, now is it clear enough? Still, no?
It's okay. We've all said our goodbyes.
I just don't feel like I should give up yet.
But it seems like you have.
zsznh.-
There are many things that are holding me back from the thing I want to do.
There are many issues I want to share with the world out there but I couldn't do.
But A, he allows me to do it.
He allows me to be the person I wanna be and become.
I can share with him without even him asking. A was there whenever and wherever I am.
Today, after the long talks, plans and rants, A finally made me realize..
That he is the one. The one that is called my future.
A makes me smile even when i'm having my biggest headache.
A supports me whenever I feel like doing things I like.
A gives me the strength to move on despite my financial situation.
A helps me in any way he can to make me happy.
He made me realize all the things we never had was worth the time waiting.
He brings the best out of me, he knowa who I am and I'm not.
Today, is the day i realized whom I can't live without.
Baby,
Tonight, we are young,
So let's set the world on fire,
We can burn brighter, than the sun..
I wanna grow old with you A.
I wanna be the one sitting beside you crying together while we watch Mohabbatein.
We shall live our dreams one day, Insyallah~
zsznh.
We all knew that life was not going to be easy.
But some of us don't expect it to be that hard. Who knew?
Not me.
Many said they envy my life, as I get everything I want,
I have a very understanding family and I am always happy.
The truth is, my life is not 100% filled with happiness.
I am never in the right financial state of mind. Nobody really knew how much
money bothers me. Nobody knew how much I had to go through without it.
Sometimes for days, even weeks.
The truth is, I don't get everything I want. They may say I lied when it comes
to this part. But I'm not.
Yeah I get what I want sometimes, but what I got was through a lot of reluctance,
unwillingness, but yet still sincere from the heart.
I salute my dad for being who he is till this day.
I will always do. He is the pillar of my family.
It breaks my heart seeing him working for 12 hours every single day at the age of 64.
It really does break my heart, seeing him bringing just bread to work,
and admit that it is really sufficient.
It breaks my heart seeing mom giving me 5 dollars everyday for school.
Yes 5 dollars. And 10 every 2 days for my ez-link. It breaks my heart seeing her complaining that her wallet is not thick anymore. It even breaks my heart more when she badly wants to go for a holiday, y
et wants to use all her savings.
Breaks my heart when she wants to buy something for the house
but always ended up saying "tunggu bapak nya gaji lah"
Our life wasn't like that previously. It wasn't.
We did not ask for all this, even we were once in a dilemma of selling this precious house.
But what can we do. It is this hard times that pulled us together to become even more closer than we are.
It is this hard times I realised how much I've wasted my money for all those unnecessary things.
It is this hard times, I realise I should start making good use of myself and help with the situation.
As much as I want to continue on with my degree programme, I couldn't.
I shall start my career and make the best out of myself, and my parents.
I thank Allah for the tremendous moments we had, and having them as my parents.
I love you mak & bapak. <3
This post is especially for you. :')
-zsznh.
