Wednesday, January 23, 2013

It's been months since I thought I would leave all this behind me.
Thinking that my life will be back in one piece.
After A left me, I would keep telling myself that all this will make me stronger.
Eventually it did. I was. But at times, I was lost. So lost that it wasnt even obvious.

Especially today. I dont remember when was the last time I felt this bad.
At my lowest. My worst.
I lied in my room crying out loud, the same way I did when A left.

All that mixed emotions being so angry, lonely, sad, depressed, jealousy and hopeless
haunt me again I had to feel scared. It always felt like I had nowhere to go.
No one to turn to. And nothing to believe in. My heart tells me i'm basically failing in life.

I hoped for 'someone' or 'something' to give me a glmpse of hope.
But again I was always hoping, waiting. And he never really came.
It never really happened.

My life is basically a complete mess I must say. Crying out loud helps. A LOT.
And blogging makes it better. I know people would be telling me 'dont give up zie'
I never did. I think the world gave up on me instead.

What do I do now? Do I keep on waiting?
Do I have to start believing in miracles?
Seems like there's never going to be an answer
Unless it happens.

-zsznh