So here I am blogging because I feel like everyone in my life walks out
when I thought I could really use some help.
As pissed as I am, I am more concerned about this angry sad and so many
other mixed feelings inside me after someone breaks his very last minute news.
He's leaving. THIS WEDNESDAY! For LONDON! For 4 YEARS!
And as much as I hate that news, and hate the world for having so many countries.
I just wanted to know where do I stand?
I just wanted to know is it worth it if I decided to wait?
I just wanted to know does he want to see me for that last time?
I want to know.. so badly.
But at this point of time with the silent treatment he gives me,
I may understand what he is trying to imply so I guess by tomorrow which is Tuesday,
I should stop trying.
Well I told everyone basically everyone whom I hope would at least tell me
and help me pull through this situation. But I guess I was wrong eh?
I tell them oh he's leaving and I have thoughts about seeing him off.
ANNNNNNND,
I get things like zie dont be stupid, zie for what sia you wanna waste time?
Srsly guys? You all really think that way?
You guys bombard me with questions like "why are you sad?"
I mean, really.. I wasn't expecting for you guys to react this way.
Some even thought it was a joke.
Some even make feel like I am one retarded kid.
But really, I am upset that you guys didn't understand how I feel.
How I feel towards him before, and now.
How I've always been waiting for him, and know that a part of my heart
still think that I have a chance to be in his life.
To know that somewhere inside me, I saw a glimpse of hope with him.
It upsets me that I have to explain everytime I feel sad whenever I thought he did something wrong,
or maybe we assume he lied.
I was heartbroken to be explaining every single time about how I really feel.
And explain again now, with the fact that he's leaving.
I can be crazy. I want to go see him leave.
I want to. So bad.
But there are a lot of things I have to consider when I go like I am broke to pay for my cab fair since he's flight is 2am in ze morning.
And that whether my mom would allow me to go.
Yes I am crazy like that.
First my boyfriend leaves me just like that and leave things hanging and decided to go missing.
Now I've got to face this. M; leaving?
I really am lost. I just wished you would read this and tell me I have the last chance to see you in person,
and talk to you.
Cause I really am tired of waiting. What more 4 years.
And if you read this M, I'll be around City Hall tomorrow.
If you're around, I'll wait for you at Starbucks @ Marina Sq around 2-3pm.
If you're not there, then I understand why.
I relakan you leaving
All I'm saying,
I just need to see you before you leave :'(
I'll wait.
<3 zsznh.
