today was a hell lot of fun.
i miss cousins so much.
and finally i get to meet them all.
seeing shafa makes me devastated.
i just feel like crying seh kdg2!
so today we became chinese.
typical chinese.
we all played counter strike.
aaaaaaaaarhahahahahhhaa.
i cant stop laughing.
remininscence of arwah ayah as well.
hahaha. siak arh gmbar kakak nor.
stop it siaaa.
soo well guys. i had soo much good times with all of you.
kenduri, main counter strike eh?
siaaaaaaak.
c u bsok sha!

and, omg.
in a split second u challenge me with ur nick.
bloody hell. soo the angry siakk.
ehh urgghhh.
tk payah bebual ah!
bye semua darling2.

love,
zie.

Labels: 4 days ; SURABAYA

seriously. no point getting excited.
no point waiting for so many years.

love,
zie.

hey people.
i've change my skin.
and it's all about CHRIS BROWN
i'm sorry. for those who hate to look at his face,
kindly leave the blog.
cause i dont think he wants to look at yours. (:
and it's all new!


2 weeks of intensive is over.
i need a break! [kitkat? nahhh.]
and tmr will be sleeping over at sha's house.
hey. thank god. i miss them so fcuking badly.
BADLYYYYYY.
even wah. hmmmmmm.
see u guys soon cousins!
ily.

monday is mt mid-yr o levels.
and i am freaking nervous.
people all around keep saying
"do it once. and do it well."
that drives me to work hard.
i shall do it once and get that A1.
good luck to all the sec 5 cohort.
make wrss proud. (:

love,
zie.

Labels: 5 days ; Surabaya.

"zi, demi allah zi, is kangeeen.... banget ama zi.."

that made my tears roll down.
hearing his voice.
after so long.
i felt breathless.

i just feel that he's soo close to me now.
ouh god.
his friends said he is like half dead there.
always keeping quiet.
day-dreaming.
and the most he said is how much he misses me.
what i'm sure about he's looking at the stars
i told him to whenever he misses me. [[:
i couldn't take it.
he kept asking when i'm coming back there.

baby, that day will be very long.
and i dun want u to put too much hope.
i wont be there so soon.
but please, do wait for me.

even tho, u have intentions of finding someone else.
or even going far away from me.

i miss you. badly ; :'(

love,
zie.

Labels: how i wish i was there with you.

it was a blast today.
i had satisfied times with leha n hennie.
my fav laughing girlfriends ; - hahaha.

headed to bras brasah complex to get their books.
managed to find our way there.
and kept on laughing non-stop.
even from the start we met ; - hahaha.
kimek.

had lunch. at Mac D's.and from then on.
i kept saying ppl's face like aliens.
i dunnoe why. felt like outer space.
cuz we were like the loudest people there.
and everyone is looking at us strangely.
talked about so many things..
some emotional, some angry things.
but mostly, FUNNY things.
and about someone! hahahaha. [ugirlsnoewhu]
starting taking pics in the toilet.
heheheks.

and i suggested to go ESPLANADE.
and still, laughed on our way walking there.
non-stop hits. still the loudest girls.
and i kept singing "p ramlee ohhh p ramleeeeee"
as the musical starts today.
so we chilled. and took more n more pics.
whice have yet to be taken from hennie's phone.
where all the pics are beautiful.
tgk crite congkak pe member!

and then headed for a drink.
surprisingly sembawang peeeer.
hehehheks.
still, laughed in the train on our way there.
they had drinks.
and now, my eyes are hurting.
and i cant stop touching my lips!

ily you girls for making my day!
i will only laugh so happily if i'm with u girls.
thanks a lot girls.
you guys are the best!
but rite, tmr got exam. u noe?
haven't study!

must go n study now!
bye girls.

love,
zie.

p/s : kept thinking bout him. ]:

Labels: YEAYEE ; best peeer.

today basically is a long day.
but i find it truly meaningful,
and a success one.
even tho friday has always been short.
i didnt regret today.

i love it when i sit down and talk with
my girlfriends.
it's been a long time we had that kind
of conversation. and i simply loove it.
and i almost cried seeing those joys in them.
we first talked about the nargis disaster in myanmar.
and then having a girlfriends outing after O's.
thought of a lot of places to go and couldn't
decide on one.
and then talked about the amazing videos.
regard the ferris wheels. hahaha.
and then, GHOSTS.
macam2 crite sume kluarkan.
then holidays all masuk.
haiyooo. so fun.
and to me, one of the most meaningful get together.

had malay intensive.
successfully completed bahagian A of the compo.
in 35 mins or so. YAYEE.

and headed for mass run.
i dont know my timing.
but i think 80% i pass. haha.
i wanna say a thousand thanks to ash.
for pushing me, running with me
for the last 800km.
it was really what i needed at that point of time.
cause i almost give up.
he really motivates me.
saying i can do it. and i keep saying "tanaaaak!"
urgh. thanks ah ash. wouldn't have
done it without you!
and it was one of the bestest last 800m run.
huh? tk paham bebual aper.
soo thanks ASH !!

so that's it.
looking forward to tomorrow.
going out wit girlfriend leha and hennie.
ily girls. HEHE..

love,
zie.

Labels: GFS ; INTENSIVE ; RUN ; AWWWW.

i didnt wanna hurt you.
but i had to.
i dont do things for no reason.
i seriously had no intention of hurting you.
but hey, i am one of the most pathetic girl!
who wouldn't be angry if the priority is not given to me.
yes. may sound pathetic and unreasonable everyone.
but thats not really what i'm trying to say here.
look, i've known you for almost seventeen years.
everyone knows we are like blood sisters.
and seeing u defending someone whom you know
for less than 4 years? someone whom you dont
even know can give u happiness in the future.
seeing you having a happier day with him
it tells me, where i stand in ur life rite now.
i'm sinking.
and, there's so many reasons why i am so freaking
angry with you..
i just couldnt accept it.

yes maybe its not just about me.
i know i've been spitting out the wrong words.
maybe i have been seeing things my way.
and saying things from what i see.
but u dont always speak out.
u have always been keeping secrets.
and will be saying that i will always be bothered
with your stories.
yes. i may be bothered. so bothered.
but u know i have always been here for you.
then why the secrets. y still keep quiet?

and yes i am always being compared with you.
thats one of the reason why i started to hate you.
but i dont really care about this comparing thing.
i'm not blaming you totally.
i noe its not even your fault.
but its just the reality. i still go on my life with you
as per normal.
nobody has ever treat me like u did.

i am very angry.
my results were the at the very bottom.
and i was afraid i'm being compared again.
but the whole thing is not about the comparing now.
i still cant take wat u said to me that day.
that changed my whole perception towards you.
"he's my guy he has the right to know"
i've never even shared anything about you to my guy.
i dont even have the chance to meet him.
see how my life has been difficult?
u made it more difficult!
who the fuck is he to enter our problems.
i'm sorry. but it just doesnt work that way for me.

people may say that i'm expecting you to give in to my problems.
but again. this is just what i want to say.
i dont expect anything from you right now.
cause i'm too sad !
and still need time to think.
still need to see where i stand in each and every person
that i love the most.

aku tanak orang cakap nanti aku marah for the wrong reason.
aku slalu nk kau jer ckp sorry.
i didnt ask for all that. sumpah demi allah.
nanti org kater aku jer slalu nk betul.
so i will just shut my mouth.

no more talking about you and me.
after the time is right.

that's all i have to say.

first of all.
leha and hennie.
i'm sorry i cried in the ava just now.
those were the tears held back
for so many days.
i was tryna be a "strong" girl.
i am only like 10% disappointed about my results.
but the 90% goes to her.
who has made my life difficult.

what made me cried even more.
when you guys wanted to get me out of the comparing.
i love you girls so much until i wanna know
every little thing about you guys.
and look, even now i'm crying.
cause i know, i know that bitch wont come back and say sorry to me.
whatever. fuck her.
i burst into tears. cause at that point of time.
i realised how fortunate i am to have you girls with me.
supporting me.
and when leha hugged me by the side, ouh gosh.
i was in more tears.
i just love u girls so much now and the days after.
cuz u guys is what matters most now.
and as for her, is just a pain in the ass thinking about her.
so why should i cry? i laughed a few moments after that.
cause i realised i'm better off with my gfs.
thanks girls.
u guys are the best.

and 5-3, see u at al-ameen!
i dont wanna talk about my results already.
cause mum says a lot of things. [nonsensical ones]
and i couldn't even get a single word she utter.
byeeeeeeee.

p/s : i received a msg yesterday night at 11:34pm.
sad to say i was already asleep. ]]:
it was him. and he asked me to call. daaarn.
and it's 14 may today. so, whatever uh! hahaha.

love,
zie.

Labels: CRY ; NO MORE LAH.

it's back to school after 4 days.
and i miss girlfriends like hell.
missed 5-3.
but the interior was all torn and all over the place.

results was inconvincing,
disappointing, funny, yet expected.
chem, failed.
physics, failed.
f&n, failed.
el paper 2, failed.
so how? what had got into this?
i obviously dont blame ANYONE.
but hey, like mr C said,
its a reality check.
like mr TAN said, treat it as a wake up call.
true enough.
but still, i put my utmost ability for this MYE!
i studied until each and every of my family
members came every 10 mins,
to my study table and spare a thought for me.
show me their sympathy.
i did say "never give up"
i did not even studied like that for my N levels.
but hey, i told my self still.
it's a big gap. if the rest can do it. i can.
there is still time left.
many areas of improvements for me
to show PEOPLE how i can do it.
so that the comparison stops forever.
i wanna make those people shut their bloody mouth.
for now, i'm shutting mine.

mum keeps saying "mak nk gi rumah wah."
go. go lah mak. give a kiss to grandma for me.
i wanna meet her. i miss grandma.
but something else is holding me back.
she also asked "how's ur result?"
i said "ntah lahh. semua fail lahh." (while playing psp)
and she said "semua fail? kalau fail jgn harap kau leh gi kampung!"
i said "okay ah."
at that point of time, i told myself i really wanna study.
really wanna give that 100% participation.
but 10 mins later, i thought "me not going to kampung?"
i can dieeeeeeee. hahahaha.
the whole kampung will be asking for meee!
wargghhh. wish life is very easy. naahhh.

to beloved(s), we will work hard okay?
forget the dinner at trader's hotel.
let the whole school embarass our class.
let the whole school say "HAH. 5-3 didnt make it to the dinner?"
so what. mr c said, makan not important.
O-Level important.
So people, wake up to reality.
Let's strive for the better.

as for now, malay intensive revision
for the next two weeks.
go for A1 kayyy.

love,
zie.

Labels: EXAMS ; DINNER : NAHHH.

it's mother's day.
and i'm bored to death.
for the first time ever, there is no plans
for the family.
and i, as a daughter.
did nothing for mum to show that i appreciate her.
with so many reasons i didnt do it.
oh god.

so i was lying down on the bed like a pig.
mum's hp was with me.
she needed help to sms someone.
then decided to browse to her inbox.
there's a lot of mother's day msgs in there.
when i came accross this msg.
"Selamat Hari Ibu!"
And i went from happy to the most utterly
speechless and disappointed face.
And i said to mum "wahh banyak seh mother's day msg"
And mum go "a ahh dari friday dah ader. ______ pun msg."
And she go again : "engkau jer tu tak sms mak. tk tau ingat mak."
and from that speechless and disappointed face,
it brought me to tears.
yet i still said to her happily "tapi adik tetap sayang mak apeeeer."
yes. TEARS god damn it.
the comparison goes on and on without fail.
anyone would do it.

Many of them might be enjoyin today.
This may be the worst mother's day for mum.
I'm sorry mak.
There are many reasons why i couldn't make u happy today.
I'm glad someone else did.
Thanks but no thanks.
But it isnt about today only.
It's about every other day how i treasure what you did to me.
I love you all my life. And god knows that.
You know that too. So dont bother about today.
At least i kissed you. haha.
which still make you go "baruu dapat cium hari ni.hari dah nk abes dah."
i didnt care what u said. cause i know, i shall and forever be ur bestest daughter EVER.
Happy Mother's Day MAAAK. :DDD
with lots of looooove and KISSES from meeee.

love,
zie.

Labels: THANKS ;

i've been hurt again.
its been almost 2 years.
yet i still wanna msg you.
still wanna bother.
i dunnoe why.
i miss my bf too much.
TOO MUCH!
with all the tings that is happening dangerously
there at kampung.
it just worries me so much.
ssoo much. it gives me goosebumps.
ouh god. pls help me!

it was right then i realised where i stand in each and
everyone of these people i loved.
right at the bottom.
- i'm freaking sensitive
- always seeing things the different way.
- always rude
- blaming others yet not me
i am just not the person to be loved.
i deserve this.
thanks.

love,
zie.

Labels: HURT ; nothing else

MYE is finally a success.
Yes. And i am very satisfied with it.
As i put all my hardwork and effort
in my papers [except geog]. HAHA.
It was truly a blast.
No more such things called mid-yr exams for
me now. And my last mid-yr exam,
is the one i've been working so hard for.
never like my other mid-yr exams.
well done zie..

Now let's work towards the O level.
I cant wait for that greater success.
I want the best for myself.
Prove that I can always do it.
If i worked hard.

So yeahh. Time for a small celebration.
hahaha. someone take me ouutt pleasseee.
hees. shall text kakak now.
bye everyone!
i need a break.

love,
zie.

Labels: 26th MAY ;

wth.
i didn't noe i should said things like that.
cuz i must keep my mouth shut.
pls make this clear.
i wouldnt wanna bother.
cuz if i bother, someone else bother.
i wouldnt wanna care anymore,
cause if i care, what i get is pain.
and nothing else.
and if i talk, things wouldnt go right.
how come only now u realise that u cant bear
seeing me like this?
how come only now u know that i've been thru a lot
of fucking pathetic pain.
cause you've are more happier w/o me.
and better of without me.
i wanna see how much u can bear with this.
let u VISUALISE how i feel.
so u be happy.
and i be happy.

its been a long time since i update my blog like this :

have been spending a lot of times with beloved ain n leha.
leha especially. since last two weeks.
hahaha. yesterday and today was indeed crazy.
especially today.
hahaha. leha, "ita nk gi SUre?" faham tk?
tk faham tkpeer.
HAHAHA. biar aku sorg jer ketawa.
ily girlfriends.

tmr will be last paper for MYE.
and yesaahhh. celebrate my last MYE
after 10 yrs of education.
kay mepekk.

bosan uh.
serious.
time to study for f&N.
bye.

love,
zie.

Labels: I NEED BF ;

i find the word "unreasonable" unreasonable.
how can u say u're being unreasonable without even me noticing it?
how come u havent been urself lately without me even realising?
it has never been like that before.
i didnt know u just yesterday.

watever happens,
it happens for a reason.
and u haven't been talking to me lately.
how come?
look, i know u since we were born.
i know u're having problems.
and u know who u can talk to.
stop saying later i'll get bored of u talking about ur bf.
i thought u know i'll be there for u.
i didnt get mad bcause of wat u said to me.
i was mad because u said u weren't urself lately.
yet u didnt show.
yet u still keep secret from me.
seriously, who am i to you?
nuthing?

seriously. stop all your shit.
we've been thru a lot wit each other.
and nothing else can stop us.
stop keeping secrets from me.

this song is for you.
play it.
it's not about the bf thingy.
but i'm just sending a msg that u noe who
to find, and u noe who i am if u have problems.



love,
zie.

Labels: WE ARE GIRLS ;